I want to tell you that I love you. But you would not
understand. It would frighten you into thinking that it means I want to cage
you and slap it with labels of ownership. But I love you and that is not what
it means. You think I don’t even like you at times. And I suppose you are
right. But it does not mean that I do not love you for I love you with all my
might.
You should know that I do because I cook for you. I’m
Sicilian and love is all about the food. This is how I care for you. I am not
filling you with food; I am filling you with my passion, my love my heart.
You should know that I love you because I am constantly
touching you. You should know that I love you when my head dips and I look up
at you through lowered lashes and my inner thoughts of desire lift up the one
corner of my mouth.
You should know that I love you because I keep your pictures
in my phone. I repeatedly look at it throughout the day and butterflies light
up my stomach. And I tell you how much it makes my day to see you in that distant
way.
You should know I love you when I expose my vulnerability to
you. When I express my sadness and level of stress and you hear it in my voice
that I am not myself and you know that nothing is perfect and you rush to find
the words to make everything okay for me. This is how I know you love me even
when you do not think it is true or ever could be.
You should know that I love you when I listen to you without
interruption while I chop vegetables. I am biting my tongue all the while. I
want to fix things for you, but I know that it is more important to listen to
what you are trying to tell me without directly telling me.
You know I love you when I am honest with you. When I am
blunt and it hurts too much to hear. But most of all you know I love you when I
die inside knowing that I hurt your feelings. And I did die because I acted carelessly.
And though I’ve apologized a thousand times I will apologize a thousand more
because I would never want to hurt you.
You know I love you because I am thankful for you being in
my life. You know I love you when I am okay with your opinion that is so
different and wrong and beautiful at the same time.
I want to tell you that I love you, but you would not
understand. I do not want to cage you and slap you with labels. My love is not
that kind. My love is to liberate and educate and learn and have fun. My love
is serious and magic all at the same time. My love is to celebrate that I am
for you and you are for me and the difference between is where we are free. I want
you to love me but I do not think that you can I do not think that you do, but
just know that the only thing that matters is that I love you.