Becoming Your Own Best Friend

Becoming You Own Best Friend

Becky Stuto

January 23, 2013

Lately my schedule has been kind of crazy. Crazy schedules make me really tired. When I’m tired I have a tendency to get down on myself and the self-talk tends to lean toward the negative. I’m sure you can relate. In fact, we all have thousands of thoughts running through our minds. I’m sure you are not surprised to realize that most of these thoughts are most often directed to the one person who deserves it least – YOU! It’s okay to admit that you are harder on yourself than anyone else could be. We beat ourselves up for all the things we think we should be doing better, should be able to figure out. We blame ourselves and judge ourselves way more than we acknowledge and appreciate ourselves. I know this because I am a woman who holds myself up to very high expectations. I am a high achiever who believes she should climb mountains and career ladders in a single bound forgetting that self-compassion is as valuable as self-esteem and that the cost of forgetting that is my own happiness.

We are in the midst of a self-criticism epidemic and a self-compassion drought. Be nice to others. This is something we have all learned since kindergarten. Of course we know to be compassionate to those less fortunate or those going through tough times, that’s easy. But direct the loving energy of compassion and forgiveness toward ourselves everyday – forget about it!

The Happy Truth:

Our happiness is directly related to our level of self-compassion. Simply put high self-compassion equals more happiness. Lack of self-compassion, happiness levels drop. Believe it or not you, more than anyone, is counting on you to be there with open arms, offering unconditional compassion and forgiveness.

So how do you do that? All the years of academic study will not teach you that. Rather, it can most easily be learned through three simple, yet daring acts of love. Much like going to the gym these acts strengthen your relationship with yourself on a regular basis. Are you ready to start your loving workout?

The Happy Challenge

 Transform Comparison into Inspiration:  

When the mean girl/guy voice starts comparing yourself to another person – either by making you better or deficient – stop and ask yourself, “what is inspiring to me about this person? What are they doing/being/having that I would like to have in my life too? 

Dare: Reach out to that person right there or email and tell them what you appreciate about them! There is only one you and the world is counting on your unique expression.

Give Yourself a Hand:  

A true friend would never kick you when your down, call you a loser, or point out all the ways in which you are falling short. However, they do: appreciate and acknowledge you for being fantastic and they give you a break. As your own best friend, your job next time you’re being mean to yourself, is to transform the harsh words. 

Dare: close your eyes, put you hand on your heart, and say following Love Mantra “You are doing the best that you can, and it is enough” over and over again until you feel a shift inside – that will be your compassion turning on. And then ask yourself, “What do I need to love myself well right now?” And then you must do that thing for yourself – just like a best friend would. 

Dial a Love Life Line: 

Sometimes when you’re really feeling like crap about yourself, and you just can’t find the compassion no matter how hard you try, you have to call in special outside forces. This is the time for “dialing into love” and getting some large quantities of it flowing to you pronto. 

Dare: Call up a person who you trust and who is good at giving love and follow these three steps: 1. Out yourself and your inner critic. Say: “My Inner Mean Girl/Dude is going crazy and telling me XXX.” Just let it rant. 2. Ask them to tell you three great things about me. 3. Listen and receive those great things from them, say thank you, write these love lines down on a piece of paper and carry the love around with you for the rest of the day. 

Flowing with Intuition

Flowing with Your Intuition

January 15, 2013

This week I really had no direction on what I was going to write about. Life has been busy and I have been a bit under the weather. Work schedules have changed, as my school schedule is now dictating life for a bit. I started writing about following your intuition. Then I started writing about balance. Then I was thinking about writing about journaling and reflecting on what we already know. Then I went back to balancing acts. You get it right? I’ve been all over the board with this week. So, as I’ve been going through the week I just kept putting it off, listening to that little voice inside my head that kept telling me not to decide on a topic just yet. Meanwhile, my internal stress level kept rising as I came closer to my self-imposed deadline.

Earlier this week I began my CPR and First aid training for my internship. USC placed me with a foster agency. For a student it really wasn’t the most ideal situation. I would be working out of the house, doing some case management and community work, but it was not clear as to how I would be meeting the learning objectives. I had some serious internal red flags and doubts. Of course I would rise to the challenge and make the most of it, but would it really be the best situation? I was given a ton of paper work to fill out. Training to do, a health exam, live scan fingerprints etc. Originally, I had planned to complete it all as soon as possible and fax it back immediately. But as time went on, I started to feel uneasy about the whole thing. Not just nervous, butterflies in the stomach uneasy but, this really doesn’t set well, something’s fishy uneasy. Yesterday I realized that I was actually putting off faxing the papers over. 

However, today I was given the news that I will not be placed with the agency at all. Apparently, in the past couple weeks USC faculty have been looking over my file and the actual agency and decided that the agency was not a good fit for me. I am so relieved and just amazed at how the universe operates. I am also more amazed at how listening to my intuition just syncs up with the universe.

It’s not like this is a new lesson for me, but more like a reminder. When you trust your instincts life just seems to flow. Trusting your gut is really about following your subconscious thoughts, which in many times, are often right. However, if you tend to over think thing too much, you stray from those initial inner thoughts.

You can begin to follow your mind by keeping these tips in mind:

Trust your subconscious thoughts: They make up your initial instincts and they’re close to your heart. You know that the truth will be revealed to you if you give yourself enough time. Learn to trust yourself. 

Go with what feels right: don’t be afraid to take action towards the things that feel right. If something feels off to you, you can stop and explore the reasons why. It always starts with a feeling. Go in the direction of your positive feelings.

Avoid over thinking: Sometimes your mind can get away from you and start cycling through negative thoughts. Take deep breaths and get back into a positive mindset so that you can see your true path more clearly.

Intuition Flow Challenge

For the next week, or longer if you like, keep a journal with you. Write down any thoughts that seem to keep surfacing around an issue that you are concerned about. This is not about writing down your worries this is more like noticing that one or two particular thoughts keep popping up. For example as I made mental notes to fax those papers a voice/thought would pop up and say “just hold off on that a bit”, “don’t do that quite yet”. Then write down any following events that seem to play out. In my case I would write down that my placement changed, and then my new placement and my feelings around that. You might just find out that everything happens for a reason. 

Be Your Own CEO

Your Personal Plan for Starting Off 2013 in Balance

Be Your Own CEO

Becky Stuto

January 7, 2013

Everyday from the moment we open our eyes we are faced with two glorious decisions. We can either take control of our lives or life can control us. Now, admittedly, there are things that happen that are out of our control such as, natural disasters and the like that we would never choose to have happen. However, you can still choose what action you will take, passive or active.

To take control of your life or exercise personal leadership is to take responsibility for our actions and decisions in all areas of our lives. It requires being connected with your values, your vision and to set meaningful goals for yourself. As a result of doing so, you will more productive days, a more optimistic attitude, your stress level will decrease as your free time increases.

A great way to get started is to envision yourself as the CEO of your own life. By applying this concept to your own life you are asking yourself “how would I run my life”? My guess is that you would be inspired to think, plan and act in a more efficient, creative and result oriented manner. As your own CEO, here are some ways in which you can take control of your life and exercise personal leadership:

Determine Your Values: Your values give you structure and purpose. They help you to determine how your time and effort is best spent. In fact, it is very much like a mission statement that companies use to spell out their goals and direction of their business. Your values will also provide you with an internal roadmap for decision-making.

Plan, Be Organized and Set Goals:  Think of the big picture of what you want in your life and then break it down into manageable parts. For everything that you want to accomplish, you need a strategy or action plan. Set goals in line with your mission statement and then devise a plan on how to achieve them. Nothing happens by itself or simply by thinking about it or dreaming. The level of your success will be determined by how much action and energy you put towards those goals. This approach will also sharpen your critical thinking and problem solving skills. Remember, if you fail to plan, you plan to fail.

Maintains a Positive Attitude: It can be one of the most difficult things to do if your best efforts to take control of your life do not go exactly as planned. You have to be prepared for roadblocks and obstacles. However, a positive attitude and an unshakable belief in your abilities make it more likely that you will succeed. Usually, those who cannot gain control of their lives give up at the first sign of difficulty or trouble.

Have Fun:  This is your life and your adventure. Taking control involves a lot of planning, strategy and executing. It can be weigh you down if you forget to make time for some fun. Living a productive life means making time for work, recreation and relaxation. Your plan and mission statement allows you to live a unique life that fits your perfectly so have fun and live bold!

Your Take Control Challenge

Try an experiment where you envision yourself as the CEO of your own company called It’s My Life. Then make the plans, decisions and choices that you think a successful happy CEO should make. Next right down how that makes you feel and any changes that occur as a result. 

5 Ways to Keep Your New Year’s Resolutions

5 Ways to Keep Your New Year’s Resolutions

I have to say that I have never really believed in resolutions. Well, not in the traditional sense anyway. I believe in making dedicated efforts to improve my life. I believe in setting intentions that will make lasting changes in my life. However, I don’t ascribe the all or nothing perspective to my intentions that seems to come with New Year’s resolutions. I believe in Realutions.

With the New Year right around the corner many people will be making the same resolution they made last year and the year before that. This will last about two weeks and then out of frustration the resolution will fall to the wayside.

What can you do to make this year different? What can you do to make sure your New Year’s Realutions stick? Here are five ways to help you avoid the pitfalls that have struck you down in the past.

Think It Through: One of the biggest mistakes we make is to jump into a resolution without thinking it through. You may resolve to lose weight, quit smoking or work out but those are just words unless they are supported by action. However, the action must be sensible and this requires a plan. How many days a week will you be working out? Do you have a work out buddy? Exactly how will you give up smoking? Do you have moral support in place to get you through the tough days? Regardless of the goal, develop a matching and supportive plan.

Recruit Help: Everyone’s New Year’s resolutions are different. However, that doesn’t mean that you have to go it alone. Your friends, family and coworkers are your biggest allies. Additionally, they have most likely made resolutions that you might be able to support. Tap into each other’s experience, their encouragement and their support to stay focused and strong throughout the year and beyond.

Remember Last Year: You can either learn from the past or you can repeat the past. This year chose to learn from last year. What worked for you last year? What did not work so well? Learn from your mistakes so that you can chart a new course that will stand the test of time. If your realution is to lose weight then look into rearranging your schedule to accommodate going to the gym. Research at home work out programs and DVDs for when you can’t make it to the gym. Succeed this year by remember why you didn’t succeed last year.

Take Small Steps:  As I mentioned earlier resolutions have a black and white, all or nothing quality. After all, it is the extension of the word resolute. You are either resolving to do something or nothing. And for some reason we have come to believe that whatever we resolve to do it has to be big or else it doesn’t count. The problem with this mentality is twofold: it sets us up for failure at the first sign of challenge and it ignores the small steps that are just as important in accomplishing the big step. If your goal is to start exercising then start with 1-2 days a week and then build up from there.

Dream Big: Although lasting success starts with small and manageable steps, nothing says that you have to think small. New Year’s Realutions are all about making a better world, a better life, a better you, so dream big and go for the gold. Craft a sound strategy to achieve something bug that will make yourself proud. You are not doing this to compete with anyone, nor, are you trying to gain the approval of anyone else. Realutions are for you. Get help when you need it, take it slow and don’t get frustrated in you have to renew your realution in March. That is perfectly fine and normal. After all you have all year to make it happen.